Pressure Under The Sea
As I watched the ocean today, the thought came to me that there is a LOT of pressure under the water... So much pressure that it can collapse a diver's lungs if he descends too far down too quickly. The pressure increases more and more the deeper he goes. I pondered life and how intense pressure upon us does do a lot of damage as well. Pressure affects our emotions, mind, body and spirit, and not in a positive way. I recalled times in my life when the pressure was so intense that I could barely breathe. Life was closing in on me. My digestive system was constricted and didn't function well. Sometimes the pressure was so great that my mind was either going 100 mph or was close to shutting down. There were days when I didn't want to go on. Have you been there? Are you there right now?
My life was ruled by stress for decades. I was labeled Type A by friends, family and coworkers, yet it was more like Type AAA. My body and mind were constantly on high alert, and even small things upset me and sent me over the edge into fight, flight or freeze. I had to keep moving non-stop and stay busy every waking hour to drown out my pain... unconscious pain that I was completely unaware of. Relaxing was impossible! At one point, after talking with my doctor about my very strange symptoms, such as having severe "fight or flight" responses when watching action movies, I went to a counselor who told me that I had PTSD. I was around 40 years old at the time, and had never been to anyone for help. I was a Christian... God was supposed to take care of me and fill me with love, joy and PEACE! Believing that I had PTSD was a stretch for me. "I have never been in a war," I responded to the counselor, and I walked out of the office that day in disbelief. Yet, I had been in many wars... a 20 year war of fear and terror planted in me by my mother, a 15 year war of verbal and emotional abuse from an ex-husband...just to name a few. Interestingly, at the time I couldn't see the battle wounds, only the emerging physical, mental and emotional symptoms that had been popping up and escalating. I had been living under the intense pressure of the sea.
From childhood trauma to severe verbal and emotional abuse as an adult, I was drowning in the depths of my personal sea. Many times I had tried to fight my way up and out, yet I had no idea how to rise. All I wanted was to be healthy and happy. Isn't that how life is "supposed" to be? Where is the love, peace and joy? Why don't I have THAT? As a child, I loved mysteries and travel books, yet as my inner being craved peace and freedom, I sought out anything that may provide a clue to my way out of the depths. Reading for fun gave way to reading for help. Ever since my mid-twenties, I had read every self-help book under the sun, and my unconscious quest to be "perfect" continually drove me. Unfortunately, I had been convinced that the only spiritual book to read was the Bible, and that it was the ONLY truth, so I didn't read anything at all that could have led me to the answers that I was seeking back then. Yet, I now understand that everything happens in perfect timing. There were more lessons to learn!
In May of 2005, I reconnected with a wonderful mentor of mine named Michael. He was a natural health expert, so our previous conversations had always been about restoring physical health. My body was so sick and tired and overweight that I needed his help. This was the beginning of my rising. At first, the focus was to heal my physical body, and within five months, I had become the picture of health. At the same time, this positive, glowing soul shared with me a universal law that has changed my life forever. He suggested that I read "The Secret." He told me not to read it all at once, but to read a chapter each night before bed. His favorite saying was, "Look at the good in everything!" Talk about a paradigm shift! Instead of begging God for help in prayer, I realized that I had (and have) the power to create my own reality! It was not even too far off of my belief system which was gradually morphing. To make it all fit into my life view, I thought...God is a creator, and I am made in his image, therefore, I am also a creator! Yes! That I could digest. Soon after that I learned about positive affirmations, and I immediately started practicing them. Since I had become very aware that my upbringing was mostly negative, I knew for certain that I needed to reprogram my brain. As the time went by, I began to release the pressure, and, little by little, I was rising! My outward experience was also transforming in ways that I couldn't have imagined. More about that in later...
My healing and depressurization were escalating exponentially. As I rose, I was able to rise faster. I could see the light above me flickering on the waves. The surface of my sea was closer, yet I still had a way to go. Just as the diver must slowly make his way to reach fresh air, I was shedding old beliefs and dropping weights that had held me down for decades. And just as the diver must stop to allow his body to adjust to the new depth, the rising took time. Our belief systems, physical body, mind and emotions must adjust to the new reality that we are creating. My journey to wholeness, to being able to breathe and live in the sunshine of life, was closer than it had ever been before.
So, if you are living under the sea of pressure and stress that is crushing you, there is more than hope! The answers will come to you when you are ready, and if you are reading this, as my mother would say... "Dollars to donuts".... YOU ARE THERE! Be open to change...follow your intuition...the answers are out there just waiting for you to rise out of the deep, dark sea and swim in the sunshine!
